Feel good about yourself

They way we feel about ourselves vary quite a lot. One day we can feel on top of the world, and the following day we can find ourselves in a situation where we would have wanted a lot more experience, confidence or self esteem.

Some people think that self-esteem means confidence - and of course confidence comes into it - but it's rather more than that.
The word 'esteem' comes from a Latin word which means 'to estimate'. So, self-esteem is how you estimate yourself.

Ask yourself certain questions:

• do I like myself?
• do I think I'm a good human being?
• am I someone deserving of love?
• do I deserve happiness?
• do I really feel - both in my mind and deep in my guts - that I'm an OK person?

People with low self-esteem find it hard to answer 'yes' to these questions. If you are one of them, what can you do?

• You can improve your self-esteem.
• You can begin by accepting that you are certainly not alone.
• Furthermore, there is no one quite like you.
• You are a one-off. Nature has bothered to make you unique. You are important, and you have as much right as anyone else to be on this planet.
• You have a right to make mistakes, and also to change your mind. Don't forget that 'to err is human' and most of us do much of our learning through getting things wrong before we get them right.
• Furthermore, we must accept and respect ourselves, and not until we do that, can we be respected by others.

We have the right to say 'yes' or 'no' for ourselves.

Many people with poor self-esteem think they're not very important and that their views carry no weight. If you are one of them, try to stop these destructive thoughts because if you go around believing them, you'll encourage other people to believe them too.

Instead, start thinking of yourself as someone who has rights and opinions and ideas that are just as valid as anyone else's. This will help you to feel better about yourself.
Advise to improve you good feelings about yourself:

*The art of doing nothing:
People with poor self-esteem often fail to give themselves enough time and space. So find ten minutes every day to be alone and to just sit and do nothing. You deserve it and you are worth it.

* Concentrate on what is positive
So, when you have a bad day, or something goes wrong in your relationship or at work, write an account of what went right with that episode, not what went wrong. The results will surprise you - and improve how you see yourself.

* Write things you like about yourself

* Practise receiving criticism

Often when we're criticised, we feel so hurt that we start excusing ourselves without really listening.

• listen - don't interrupt or start excusing yourself.
• agree - where possible.
• ask for clarification.
• when you're wrong, admit it and apologise.
• if criticism is wrong or unfair say: 'I'm afraid that I don't agree with you.'

* Practice giving criticism

When we want to let somebody know that we are not happy with what they have done, here is some advice:

• use the word 'I', not the word 'you'
• keep calm and do some deep breathing
• try to include praise in the criticism
• try to criticise the person's behaviour rather than the person.

These tips are also handy when it comes to standing up for yourself in other situations. And they're very useful when you want to be able to say NO without feeling guilty.

Just keep calm and use the word 'I'.

People with poor esteem are always getting talked into doing things they don't want to do. Does this sound like you? If so, it must stop if you want to value yourself more.

So learning how to stay calm and just say 'no' is very important.

If you practice this, and take notice of what happens, you will soon notice that nothing dramatic happen, and with practice you will gain respect for yourself and from the people around you.