Last month I wrote about relationships and had quite a few remarks and comments from readers of the Gazette. One comment was a friend expressing surprise that it had taken me so many years before I realised I was able to take care of myself. Why had I accepted being lonely in the relationship for so long? Was it any better being alone? Would I manage to be alone without feeling lonely? I still remember how terrible lonely I felt when I first moved into a tiny little apartment. I remember going to work, and letting it be known that if they needed someone to work overtime in the hospital, I was the person they should call. I went to the movies, concerts, spent time with friends and spent time on the telephone, anything not to be alone. Normally I enjoy reading books and listen to music at home, but I did not find any peace in myself to do this. This lasted long enough, but gradually I was able to enjoy being on my own. I started reading books again; I could spend an evening on my own without panicking or drowning my loneliness in glasses of wine.

The tendency in the western world today is that more and more people live alone. They wait to get married, and they often wait until they have reached the thirties before having children. Unfortunately many relationships end in separations and divorces. Many people will go through what I went through, but we will all react differently. How we react, depends on personality and previous experience.

What else creates loneliness? Any threat can make us feel lonely, and the more severe the threat is, the stronger is the feeling of loneliness. I have worked with cancer patients for many years, and know how lonely they can feel in their sickness. I also know the loneliness and feeling of hopelessness their relatives and friends can feel. If we know someone in this situation, we can be empathic and ask if there is anything we can do.

Sometimes it helps to know that there are other people in a similar situation as us. It can help to talk to someone who has been through something similar. It can be encouraging to see that someone actually has managed to get over the loneliness created by a threat. But loneliness might create shame or embarrassment and it may be difficult to admit that we are lonely. It therefore takes courage to tell somebody about it, or to ask for help.

Who do we trust? If we have some bad experience in life, where we have trusted someone who let us down, it is very painful. If this happens too many times, it can end up that we feel we cannot trust anybody, and loneliness can be a result.

Life is full of challenges. I believe that we have to take many chances and risk many disappointments. But we must never loose faith in our possibility to change something that we are not happy with.

Christmas is coming up, and to many people this is the loneliest time of the year. I remember a story my brother told me many years ago. In Norway our main Christmas celebration in on the evening of the 24 th. . My brother was purser on a flight from Oslo to Copenhagen and back to Oslo again one Christmas eve. On the journey to Copenhagen he noticed a man travelling alone, and to his surprise this man also travelled on the return flight to Oslo. He spent his Christmas eve on a plane to avoid being alone.

Loneliness is something we all have felt at times, it is natural, and it is possible to live with for short periods of time. But if it lasts for long, it can create bitterness and be more difficult to deal with.

So this is my advice to people who are lonely. I want you to take chances, trust other people, believe that they do not want to harm you, take the risk of being hurt, because in the end, if you trust people, you will find people that can be trusted and who will be there for you when you need them.